then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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