We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
