I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
