You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
