so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
