you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
