I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
And then he peed in my hair
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