Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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