ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she smelled like a LAN party
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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