you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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