He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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