I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
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She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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