3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
