Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
