ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
