We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
