I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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