I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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