what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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