I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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