Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
