dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
