He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
