well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
