regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
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I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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