Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
