well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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