just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
