remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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