After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
