Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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