she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
