paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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