Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
