It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I smell like Dick and happiness
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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