you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
