Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
