There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
