I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
