So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
