God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My cat gives me a boner
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
