She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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