Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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