I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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