Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
