the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
