i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i drank out of a bidet.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
