nut hugger
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
