Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
