shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
