My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
