I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
