Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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