all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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