So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
