"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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