where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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