Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
