He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
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About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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