I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
