6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She bit a glass in half.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
