She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
