You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
