Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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